I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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