The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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