I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
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