saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Come see our sink grown plant.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
