your room smells of hookers.
And success
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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