Define "chronic" masturbator.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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