Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
