So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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