im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
