with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
