Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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