i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
