Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
