I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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