my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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