if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
