A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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