I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Randomize
