my mouth tastes like poor choices
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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