No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
