He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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