i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
