and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
