I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Bring me that man meat
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
