I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
