Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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