He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
