Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
my poor anus
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
