rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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