im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
