if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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