when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
