checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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