he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
