Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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