Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
The dick lei will go down in squad history
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
