Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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