Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
