A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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