Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
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I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize