she kept yelling 'call me bella'
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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