Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
