I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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