Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
