i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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