My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
