Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Someone came in the potted fern
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
