thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
