I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
