i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
