Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
This is classic penis vs brain.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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