I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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