I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
