I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
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we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
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Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
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