Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Its about making memories worth repressing
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
