careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
