Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
