This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
