It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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