My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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