were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
