areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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