I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
