You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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