Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
