Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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