i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
