never play flip cup with pint glasses
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
