These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
