I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
