he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
