i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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