My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
