So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Drake has all the answers
Randomize
