Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
