I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I think I won the penis lottery.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
