Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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