If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
