I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize