She went from zero to smokin in five shots
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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