Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
