I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize
